The big crush revisited through Facebook

Facebook is a good thing. In my case, it took over from that Friends Revisited (I found none) concept and became an own animal. It is now a tool I use to promote various things. Not so much myself though.

Facebook is also a place where you can find various memories by clicking on a picture. I did that.... let's say some time ago. This time more or less by accident. Like a cat touching a live wire. I am a curious cat by nature and pushes buttons.

In this case, I pushed a live wire which reconnected me to my past. A past where I spent some years daydreaming about a girl in the same class. I got a massive crush on her, in other words. So did most everyone in the same class. The male ones, to be more precise. That's what I believe. She had her admirers. She was also in the cool part of the class. I was the clumsy nerd who everybody laughed at, but not with. Even if I was the last man on earth, we would never been an item. Something I knew all the way. We were in the same room and only a few yards away from each other, but in reallity we were on two very different planets, hundreds of light years apart.

The crush died out. Life moved on. I moved on. But I sometimes wondered how she was doing. And that without any bitterness whatsoever. Today, I know. She has done great and I am off course pleased. Not that it matters at all for her.

What do I feel ? It was like a cat playing with a live wire and I got an electric jolt through my body. But I refilled my mug with more coffee. Had a look at my flat. Gave some plates a solid rub over with washing up liquid in hot water and just reflected over it while staring out on the mountains around my flat. Yes, she has done well for herself. But so have I !

Life moves on with one question answered. It is called becoming middle aged. A couple of my ex classmates from that time is dead. The rest has moved on and I do not recognise their faces. Let alone their names.

And the picture of her ? I honestly did not recognice her and neither do I have any pictures of her from the time I got a crush on her. But she is a beautiful woman now and that's all. But crush ? No, I am too old. Hand me the slippers and the remote control. The Antiques Roadshow is on. And that is not an insult to my ex object of desire. A woman I have not a bad word to say about. But I am just stating the facts. The crush from the youth rarely carries over to the middle age, unless that crush is now your wife/husband.

I have moved on. So has life. I may be a nerd everyone laugh at and not with. But I am happy that way. Very happy, in fact. Even when I am waddling around with words and coffee mugs.

(this piece was originally published in my regional newspaper in October 2011)